First, here’s a link to the article. There’s a preface to it, but it’s not important to read: http://www.playboy.com/articles/john-mayer-playboy-interview/index.html?page=2
Second, let me say that I used to be a big John Mayer fan, in high school and freshman year of college. I had seen him in concert more times than I’d seen Hanson, which for me is a big deal. I don’t really like his music much anymore, though I certainly respect his guitar playing skills, and his song writing isn’t terrible.
I came across this article on longform.org, which everyone should check out when they’re bored at work.
Hi John,
I just have a couple of things to say to you about your interview. You have a minute? Could you put down that joint and just skim this real quick?
Let me start out by making a suggestion. You might consider carrying around a dictionary, thesaurus or both when you talk to the press. Saying that you’ve “never been callous” when it comes to girls, that you’ve “never been sinister” or “a bad boy,” gets totally negated when you admit that you “may have taken someone through the wringer psychologically.” Great, you didn’t physically beat up a chick. Let’s give you a medal! Everyone, especially Tucker Max, knows that emotionally manipulating women is impossible, because we’re all completely secure with ourselves and don’t need the approval of the opposite sex. Yup. Dude, when you fuck with someone’s head, you’re fucking with the most important part.
You’re no longer motivated by money, girls or fame, but now by the chance to prove people wrong? I’d say your priorities as a musician were probably misaligned from the beginning. I mean, at least you’re being honest, and I’m sure the majority of straight guys wanting to become famous musicians wish for this, too. But couldn’t you have mentioned how you wanted to express yourself or that music spoke to you or something? Also, why do you need to prove them wrong? You want people to listen to “War of My Life” and think you’re actually “a pretty solid guy.” I think before you date someone else, especially someone like Jennifer Aniston, you should probably work on your own self esteem before you inflict your devastatingly high maintenance personality on them.
If your real voice says, “Wouldn’t it be cool if you could download food?”, it makes me wonder if you really wrote all those songs. I’m sorry, but I’m thinking about how people accuse Shakespeare of not writing all of his own work. I can’t imagine what would come out of your mouth over dinner, or what was left out of this interview because it was deemed too stupid or nonsensical to print.
“I have unbelievable orgasms alone.” You’re asexual! Now I get it!
“Rather than meet somebody new, I would rather go home and replay the amazing experiences I’ve already had.” Translation: I don’t want to talk, I just want to fuck. And I don’t want to buy you dinner.
“What that explains is that I’m more comfortable in my imagination than I am in actual human discovery. The best days of my life are when I’ve dreamed about a sexual encounter with someone I’ve already been with.” Don’t you have to have them to dream about them later? Unless you’re outsourcing that.
“I’m not trying to upset anybody, sir. With all due respect to you and your staff, I’m just not supposed to be here. It’s quite difficult for me to sit in class, because I’m supposed to be a guitar player, sir.” If you hadn’t made it, you’d be working at McDonald’s and this excuse would totally fall flat. It’s part luck, you have to admit.
When she heard Battle Studies she just wanted to be able to say “I want to know that you hold me correctly in your heart.” I think this is what we all want.
Honestly, I really think you need a hug.
“I’ll always be sorry that it didn’t last. In some ways I wish I could be with her. But I can’t change the fact that I need to be 32.” Never mind. What does 32 mean? What does getting on a plane and being like a ninja mean? Are you talking about terrorism?
“Because I want to show her I’m not like every other guy.” So making breakfast and THEN kicking her out really makes you different? It’s still psychological.
“In 2010 my goal is to get more mentions in Us Weekly than ever.” After reading that entire interview, I’m pretty sure that’s NOT your goal.
John, I understand that you think you’re different. We’re all special snowflakes. But men and women aren’t that different, and you’re not that different from most of the guys I know. Maybe just more open with your weirdness.
You’re making me really glad I have the boyfriend I do.
